Then what am I now?

Today I cleaned the house. I did 3 loads of laundry and folded and put away all of it. Today I went to the grocery store so I could cook dinner. I made dinner and had it hot on the table when you got home. Today I cleaned up all the dishes when we were finished and set some aside for your lunch. Then I folded your work clothes and put them away so they wouldn't wrinkle.
And do you know what you said to me? Do you remember? You said "you'll make a great mom someday".
Today was no different than yesterday, when my step-daughter was here.

How'd that go?

I know you don't understand. I also know that you never will understand. It's a pretty hard thing to comprehend and I understand that. All I ask for in return is that you also try to understand. Understand how difficult this is for me. Understand my fears, my frustration, and my difficulty. Understand that I love you, and her, enough to say that this is how I want to live the rest of my life.
Understand it. Because I do.
On my days off work, all I want to do is spend the day with my step daughter. Because I feel like her mother. Because I feel like when I'm home I should be with her, I feel like it's the right thing to do. So when I go out of  my way and instead of sleeping in late and being lazy all day like most other 21 year olds, I go pick her up and spend the day with her. So don't come home and ask "how'd that nap go?" when I've clearly failed at getting her to lay down. Understand that I'm frustrated. Understand that maybe I need a break. Understand that at least I tried. Instead of just letting her watch tv. Instead of making excuses.

Fitting in

This is my first post so I'll just start out by saying hello bloggers :)
I decided to give this a shot because as most of you are probably already aware, being a step mom is no easy task. Probably not as easy as any of us imagined it to be. I struggle on a daily basis and the worst part of it all is not having anyone to relate. No one to validate my thoughts or feelings. To make me feel like 'yes, Steph... this is normal to feel this way'. To top it off, my best friend is a single mom who is in the dating field. I feel like talking to her about my issues will worry her about the men she dates and how they might view her daughter. I don't want her to have to worry like that so I keep it to myself a majority of the time.
My soon to be husband is the best man I have ever met (aside from my daddy!). I love everyday that I get to wake up beside him because I know how lucky I am. Same goes for my soon to be step daughter. She just turned 4 and she is literally the apple of my eye. I can't imagine my life without her and I love her as if she were my own daughter. I met her just a few months after her second birthday and I like to think that we instantly connected. I've always had a knack for kids... but she's very special. And our bond is something I never imagined I could ever have with someone elses child.
Her story is rare. It's rather complicated and I'm sure it will come up later but I won't bombard you in my very first post ;). It's hard to raise someone elses child. To know when to shut up and when to speak up. To hear them say "you're not a mommy", followed by "can I call you mommy?". It's a rollercoaster like no other, but once you're on you're only option is to ride it out. The last two years have made me a stronger, wiser woman. I wouldn't trade it for the world. That's the most important thing I feel like I need to say... I love my life. I love my step daughter. I love my fiance. Most importantly, I love my family.
But wow... it's rough.